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Top Gear: Vietnam Special
Top Gear: Vietnam Special is a special 75-minute episode of the motoring series Top Gear, which was broadcast on 28 December 2008 at 8:00 pm on BBC Two.<ref name="ournamspecial">Template:Citation/core{{#if:|}}</ref> An edited 46 minute edition of the show was broadcast on the UK TV channel Dave in the 8.00pm - 9.00pm slot on Monday 19 January 2009. The edition was tightly edited to ensure the 75-minute special could fit into the one hour slot with commercial breaks on Dave. However recent repeats of the special on Dave are now in a 90-minute format showing the whole version due to complaints from viewers who thought the 46 minute edited version was unsatisfactory. A "Director's Cut" was released on Region 2 DVD in March 2009 as part of the Top Gear: The Great Adventures 2 set.
The challenge, to travel 1000 miles (1600 kilometres) from Hồ Chí Minh City (Saigon), in the south of Vietnam to Hạ Long city, near Hanoi (Hà Nội) in the north in eight days, was undertaken by regular presenters Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May.<ref name="namewewerethereman"/> The destination for this challenge was a floating dock in Ha Long Bay.<ref name="Radiotimes">Template:Citation/core{{#if:|}}</ref> The primary vehicles of this special were motorbikes.<ref name="namewewerethereman">Template:Citation/core{{#if:|}}</ref>
Unlike normal episodes of Top Gear, in which the challenges were related to the abilities of the vehicles reviewed, such as the Toyota Hilux in the Top Gear Polar Special, producer Andy Wilman admitted that "the narrative of the film is a bit more skewed towards the three guys."<ref name="ournamspecial"/>
Route
The journey began at the heart of Saigon, where the three presenters were each given shoeboxes full of 15 million Vietnamese đồng to buy vehicles. At first ecstatic about the seemingly vast amount of money they were given by the producers this time, they soon discovered that it was not enough to buy a car. James May discovered that a standard Fiat 500 cost 560,000,000₫ (£22,000), while their 15 million only equated to around £600 or US$1000. As a last resort, all three — much to Clarkson's dismay — decided to buy motorbikes. Hammond bought a Russian-built 125cc two-stroke Minsk, May a 50cc four-stroke Honda Cub and the unenthusiastic Clarkson purchased a green Piaggio Vespa.<ref name="namewewerethereman"/> (According to the DVD commentary, Clarkson's Vespa was equipped with several rear-view mirrors in order to conceal a handlebar-mounted camera.)
Though Clarkson had previously ridden two-wheeled transport, without assistance, during a visit to Vietnam for his series Jeremy Clarkson's Motorworld, broadcast on 12 January 1995, he was showing difficulty with his Vespa. He required the help of a nearby Australian tourist to start the scooter and showed difficulty in driving it at first. It is possible, however, that he forgot how in the past fourteen years.
Hammond was the only one whose head was small enough to fit inside a locally-bought helmet, while May resorted to using a colander for head protection. Clarkson used a metal bucket, replacing it with a proper helmet after several hours of "learning" to ride the Vespa.
The first leg of the journey was from Saigon to the mountain town of Đà Lạt, where they spent the night drinking Vietnamese beer (Bia Saigon Export), eating local cuisine made from snake meat (which Hammond refused) and taking shots of vodka mixed with the snake's blood and bile, much to Hammond's disgust.
The next morning, Hammond was shown his flattened motorcycle helmet, which had been crushed by May and Clarkson as a result of the previous evening's libations and replaced with a new pink one. May joked, "Don't take this the wrong way. Different colours assume different significance in different cultures. To us, that is an effeminate colour but to them it's the colour of warriors." Shortly after, they set off for the city of Nha Trang. Along the way, the trio encountered torrential monsoonal rain and other calamities, with May running out of fuel and Hammond's clutch cable snapping.
Constant breakdowns caused a problem for the pair of two-stroke machines and due to Hammond's clutch cable and an earlier breakdown of Clarkson's Vespa, the producers were prompted to stop footing the bill for their mounting repairs and instead punish the presenters if they broke down, by making them complete the voyage in an unappealing vehicle (a function served by the Volkswagen Beetle in the Botswana Special in series 10): a Honda Chaly mini-bike, painted and flanked in a Stars and Stripes livery (similar to the bike seen in the film Easy Rider) and fitted with an iPod audio system continuously playing Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A." (the iTunes and DVD versions of the episode had "The Star-Spangled Banner" blaring, instead, despite the references to Springsteen remaining in the film). The presenters contended that riding the bike would be inappropriate because memories of the Vietnam War were still ripe among the local populace. (Ironically, as "Born in the U.S.A." is a Vietnam War protest song).
In Nha Trang, Clarkson presented Hammond with a scale model of a Spanish galleon, which Hammond now had to transport on the back of his Minsk. The next leg of the trip passed through Tuy Hòa, Qui Nhơn, Quảng Ngãi and Tam Kỳ, and ended in Hội An (described by Clarkson as "Vietnam's Saville Row"). During this stay they purchased bespoke new clothes, and Clarkson enjoyed a short break from his various problems in a hotel. Hammond and May spent the day driving their bikes on the beach. Whilst on the beach Hammond received a very moving talk from a local who had fought in the Vietnam War. The deaf-mute veteran explained to Richard how he had fought on the beach, explaining his thoughts by writing on the sand in English. It concluded with him writing the word "B52", indicating that the beach had been bombed, and then the word "Deaf". Hammond left him by saying "This beach, yours. I'll go".
That night, Hammond spent his time repairing his bike after it had been partially submerged in sea water while Clarkson teased him by reciting the lyrics of "Born in the U.S.A."
In the morning, they continued their journey to Huế through the Hải Vân Mountain Pass, which Clarkson praised as "...a deserted ribbon of perfection — one of the best coast roads in the world." Beforehand, Hammond and Clarkson stopped at a marble sculptor to procure May's gift: a small, but heavy, statue of a ballet dancer, later called "Darcy". Mid-way through the pass, Hammond and May presented Clarkson with a bulky painting. Hammmond damaged his model galleon twice during the journey: firstly by clipping one side of the ship against some roadside wheelie-bins (causing his mast to collapse) and later by clipping and knocking over a sign placed at a toll-booth.
In Huế, Clarkson and May convinced several staff at a local restaurant to vandalise Hammond's Minsk by spray-painting it bright pink, while Hammond repaired his model ship (damaged during the journey) in the hotel's business centre.
The next day, they entered North Vietnam through Đông Hà, where they spent the morning completing the challenge of securing licences. This entailed sitting through a theory lesson in a classroom. All were asked to stand up and answer a question. May made hand gestures, Hammond then made an arbitrary comment about turning vehicles giving way (in English), while Clarkson made an incomprehensible Vietnamese statement that was deemed correct. They then proceeded to a practical riding test, attempting to navigate a course marked out by paint on the ground. Hammond and May passed, while Clarkson repeatedly failed, unable to stay within the painted guidelines. They concluded the challenge by reasoning that, as Clarkson had passed the theory and the other two had passed the practical, Top Gear had collectively passed the test. At the end of the challenge Clarkson damaged May's 'gift' by forgetting to lower the stand on May's bike and dropping it (a running gag throughout the show).
After visiting the bullet-torn Citadel of Huế (one of the major battlefields during the Tet Offensive of 1968), Clarkson reasoned that the trio could not make it to their final destination in the allotted time. They therefore decided to "cheat" by boarding an overnight train to Hạ Long, a 13-hour journey which bypassed Vinh, Thanh Hóa and Nam Định. To kill time in the train each presenter tried to "fix" the damage accumulated by the other's gift: Hammond tried to refurbish Clarkson's ripped painting by adding a Land Rover; Clarkson tried to super-glue May's shattered sculpture back together; and May transformed Hammond's galleon into a Chinese junk. Upon disembarking, the trio discovered that they had boarded the wrong train and had arrived in Hanoi (Hà Nội), 79.49 mi (127.93 km) to the west of their intended destination.
During the final push to Hạ Long, Clarkson fell off his Vespa, breaking 2 ribs and badly scraping his right arm and elbow. He finally concluded of two-wheel motoring, "I've always said to my children that if they buy a bike I will burn it and if they replace it with another one I shall burn that too. Now, however, if they buy a bike I will completely understand — and then I'll burn it."
By dusk, the exhausted trio had arrived at the wharf in Hạ Long, only to be given one final challenge: to navigate the maze of 1,969 limestone islets in Hạ Long Bay and get to Ba Hàng Bar, located in a cove somewhere in the waters, by converting their motorcycles into watercraft overnight. Upon setting off the next morning, May's craft nearly sank early on and was towed back to shore for repairs. Meanwhile, Hammond and Clarkson got lost and found themselves stuck in the mouth of a cave. Eventually, Clarkson reached their destination first, Hammond second (after his steering had failed), and May later joined them by swimming from where his "bike-ski" had disintegrated and started to sink for the second time. In the film's conclusion, Clarkson summed up their adventure and ended with "Vietnam: You don't know, man! You weren't there!"
Ending credits
Continuing Top Gear Specials' tradition, the ending credits featured the first names of the crew all being replaced by "Francis Ford", in reference to film-maker Francis Ford Coppola and his Vietnam War epic Apocalypse Now.
Additional DVD features
The DVD, released in March 2009, featured commentary from producer Andy Wilman and other members of the crew. Additional footage which was deleted from the original episode include: visits by Clarkson to other car dealerships and Hammond to a John Deere tractor dealership; a test of the bikes by The Stig's Communist cousin (a red-clad version of the second Stig); a race between James May with the Super Cub and a two-cow ploughing team; and a discussion of Vietnam's traffic fines between Clarkson and May.
